Review – “Nurtured by What? When You are Not Feeling the Love During Practicing.”
I recently had the opportunity to participate in a presentation by Dr. Zachary Ebin entitled “Nurtured by What? When You are Not Feeling the Love During Practicing.”
As you may know, Dr. Suzuki wrote a very famous book called Nurtured By Love, and it put forth his philosophy of teaching children to play music. Essentially, what sets Dr. Suzuki apart from other famous violin teachers is this idea that every child can learn to play music, and that “talent” can be taught. Previously, music educators believed that either you had talent or you didn’t. If you didn’t have talent, no amount of practice would make you any good, and it was just a waste of time and resources to try.
In this presentation, Dr. Ebin discusses the inevitable point that we all come to as Suzuki parents, the point where your child tells you “I don’t want to practice,” or “I hate this!” I know as a Suzuki mom, this usually leads to some of my most frustrating days. However, what if we recognize these statements for what they actually are?
One thing that Dr. Ebin mentions is that these “I don’t want to practice” statements are actually signs of the developing self-discipline in the child. One of the reasons many parents start their students in lessons is to develop self-discipline, and the idea of working toward something that takes time and a lot of hard work. In addition to teaching music, I’m teaching your student delayed gratification, and that doing something well takes time. If practice were like playing video games, the students wouldn’t be learning self-discipline. While this wasn’t a new concept for me, it really hit home as I thought about practicing with my children. Practicing with my son is not easy for either of us, but in so doing, he’s learning skills beyond the violin, and I am grateful for that.
Another point Dr. Ebin made that I hadn’t thought of before is that these “I don’t want to practice” statements also indicate the development of loving relationships. He pointed out that most, if not all, adults that grew up as Suzuki students have close relationships with their parents. When these practice conflicts arise, as parents, we often decide we are “going to Power Through so the student has a Music Education.” Thus, we are teaching our children how to resolve conflicts that arise during practice. We are working through and resolving these practice conflicts knowing that, despite the tears and frustration, there will come a day in later years when the student appreciates it and realizes how much he or she was loved in the process.
The final point Dr. Ebin mentioned is that hearing “I hate to practice” often comes because the child doesn’t like being told what to do. I know my children don’t. They want to do it “their way.” Now the child is not an expert, yet, so he or she needs to do what the teacher has instructed. However, this is indicative of a child who thinks creatively and has amazing potential to become an artist, whether as a musician or in another field.
Dr. Ebin’s presentation has given me a new level of understanding for both my students, and especially my children when it comes to practicing. By recognizing their “I hate to practice” statements as signs that my children are developing the qualities I wanted them to develop when they began lessons, and I began this journey as a Suzuki parent.
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